It just isn't Thanksgiving...

...unless there is a crochet turkey involved!  Gobble gobble!

-click image to see larger version-

A Question of Copyright

Use of pictures in a snark blog is a tricky thing.   Finding pictures of ugly, loathsome and downright horrible crocheted articles is easy, finding those that are not protected in the Sanctuary of Craft- Etsy requires careful, methodical, prowling.

Once the in-season, correct size, non-pregnant Fug  is bagged, Fair Use and Comment - that taking/utilising a picture in order to make remarks, wax lyrical and/or snark without claiming, purporting or representing it as "mine own" - is according to the laws of several countries (at least) allowable.

Whilst trawling for fug (Here Fuggie, Fuggie, Fuggie... Eat the nice merino.... Goooood Fuggie..... Gotcha ya little Bastard!) I have preferred and legal hunting spots.  But it also means I have seen much in the way of crocheted articles, Fug or otherwise.   I also, courtesy of some OCD-ish streak honed by years in jobs where remembering minutae is rewarded, have a good, acknowleged as some as 'phenomenal',  memory.

Thus, while lurking in the long grass of one manufacturing marketplace, I noted a merchant, touting his ability to mass produce wares, specifically crocheted, specifically... this.



Not a brilliant picture, I'll admit.

A relatively inoffensive yellowy Baby Afghan.

Which I instantly recognised because a) I'm a pattern hoarder and b) I've made this pattern three times myself.

It is, for those of you who don't recognise it,

one of Terry Kimbrough's designs.

This one, shown in pink.

Which makes me curious.

Most of us who write patterns (for free usage on our blogs, Crochet Pattern Central or Ravelry) put a caveat regarding what use items made from our patterns may be put to.

And commercial quantities is usually cited as a no-no.

Which leaves me wondering whether this is actually a licensed and legitimate use of a pattern, or if a Shonk has crept into our field of view?

            

 

 

For those who were wondering - What Etsy is for

This is one time I am going to bounce on Etsy.  But it's in a good cause - so please.. big girls' panties time if you don't like it.

It has come to my attention that Mr Brian Leahy, author of  (hang on, let me go and check) "The Groom Says" has tapped a blog post on Aisle Dash, explaining "Why Men Don't Get Etsy".

First of all, Brian, men don't get a lot of things - such as why remembering birthdays are important but you have failed to understand two certain principles that etsy lives and (well.. let's hope not) dies by:

a) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and

b) one person's trash may be another's treasure.

Yes, etsy may seem to be the hippie younger sister of eBay and tell me you havent considered going there for a hit - just when you felt you had to get away from the polished bright older sister, and indulge in something a little less organised, the one without the filofax and the Prada handbag.  However, Etsy is there because sometimes you make something so wonderful, you need to tell more people about it than just the cat.

Etsy exists as The Worlds Largest Crafty Trash & Treasure Sale, a ginormous hall full of trestle tables with wares oh so artfully displayed.  But there is a sense of communion (not the grape/wine/bread/flesh thing) but people creating displaying and yes, in a rather understated way, because no one likes to imply that they do it for the money as we're not those kind of hookers.

Are there items on etsy that I just dont understand? 

Yes, and I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one who is bemused by a pile of crocheted elephants that appear to be fornicating.

That's one scene from Dumbo they didnt show you...

But etsy is the place that you can set your own terms for your work -



whether you should be surprised that your $500 Amigurumi Crochet Rabbit keyring doesnt sell

is another question.

But etsy is there so the makers can say that "hey I did THIS" - unlike the drill  or chainsaw spruiked at Homecentre, anonymous and only gains a personality or purpose if it's lucky and gets taken home.

Etsy doesnt expect everyone to understand her, she's grateful for the attention, but would really prefer the attention of someone who does call her back in the morning.

Thanks Giving 2009

Thanksgiving (at this time of year) is an American holiday, but the concept of coming home for a time, observed by all members of a country regardless of race, colour, creed or football code is a great one.  Giving thanks for you have, have had, and the opportunities you hope to have yet to come home - should be cherished.

And I understand that no holiday can be celebrated with decorating the entire house... 
There fore there are patterns for Crochet Turkey Afghans, Crocheted Turkey TP covers, Crocheted Turkey door hangers and Crocheted Turkey Turkeys.  What caught my eye was the range of interpretation of what a Turkey actually looks like and obviously what yarn was available at hookin' time.

But for sheer  - Are you sure?-ness regarding the identity (genus, species, chordae) of the creature you are trying to render in DCs and acrylic - I give you :

 

Because nothing about this screams Turkey.

 

Noooooo - it looks more like:

 

 

Turkey ?

                        or

                                    Womble?

 

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving to you,

Be thankful for every thing you have, and everything you can do for someone else.

At least it's not in Granny Squares.. (and vote pls!)

Personally, I think it's a conspiracy.

First of all - have to remind you that whilst the Northern hemisphere is rejoicing in Summer, those of us on the Flip side of the Planet are feeling the chills.

Heralded (or maybe I should say Telegraphed) this morning was the Snuggie, or the Slanket, or the Blankoat.

Sales does be through the roof of the blanket with sleeves.

What is making this news cringeworthy is these are items that are designed for on-couch or at most in-house use, like our old comfy friend, the Ugg boot.

And the Ugg boot, as we all know, has a painful tendency to make appearances elsewhere.

 

Ok - the Absolutely Unbreakable Rule is

they should not be worn PAST your MAILBOX. 

 

And fricking never with a gap between the closest garment's hem and the top of the boot.

Unless it's a negative gap - otherwise known as

AN OVERLAP.

Anyhoo...

The modern day Snuggie, for those people cannot master advanced technology such as a Blanket - I mean seriously, is it *that* hard to maintain control of a piece of cloth while reaching for the remote???

And besides - we've been here before : Couch Dresses!

 

To make matters worse....   we have not one, but two Yarnporiums who have produced patterns (and one has been around for awhile - has anyone bothered to make one?) for Wrapghans.

 

These are patterns that are designed purely to drive up the Global demand for Yarn - because you'll need enough sheep to send someone to Dreamyland to make it!

 

 

What not to crochet - something that pins you to the couch out of the sheer weight of the yarn that the Manufacturer is trying to flog.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and BTW :

 

Vote or I'll set the Sheep on you!!

(Hey - you guys said to remind you :) )

And doesn't he just look poised to fall on your noggin?

But the reason why I've chosen him to threaten you with is:

If I didn't tell you he was a sheep... would you pick him AS a sheep

or as an Apocalyptic Poodle?

 

Blogluxe Awards.

An unashamed Plea for your Vote...

My fellow Coffee-Over-TheScreen Snorterers, I would like to take this opportunity to firstly thank whoever it was who nominated us for the   Blogluxe Awards.

That is a Great, Great thing that you have done.

May you always be able to find your 4mm crochet hooks!

Now... I call upon you all, Crocheters, Sniggerers, and those who come upon this blog in the search of Nipples,   Please - go vote for WNTC!! 

Yes,  We CAN make a difference!!      Yes, We CAN be the change we wish to see in the world! Yes, We CAN win The Funniest Blog Award!

What Not To Crochet has been around since 2006 - We are one of the Original Snark blogs.  Let Us stand up and proudly denounce the Use of Fun Fur and the Eye-Searing Granny Square to the World!

And you know what's seriously great about this ballot??       you don't get to vote once, and hope that everyone else sees the blinding obvious truth :  That the world needs strong leadership, whether in Pursuing World Peace, combatting the GFC  or gaily distributing "stimulus cheques", YOU CAN GO BACK AND VOTE EVERY DAY!

So Vote for WNTC today! and Tomorrow! and Every Day !!

Or..

Vote, otherwise the Bear gets it!

http://www.socialluxelounge.com/blogluxe  - and then scroll through - they randomise the positions...

Please.. seriously folks... vote :)

Long Live the Granny Square!!

For all that we rant about the Granny Square, and cringe at the thought of the crocheted or knitted monstrosity that a well-meaning relative may bestow,

Today, we should celebrate Maria d'Antuono's survival of the Italian Earthquakes. This 98 year old lady spent 30 hours buried beneath rubble.

And what did she do to pass the time?



No - not that piece.. but yes, she crocheted. She didn't KNIT. She crocheted.

Take that! you wielders of pointy sticks!!!!

Muwwahahahahaha!!

 

Join us tomorrow when we look at things you can crochet with recycled Monsters, Inc parts.  Obviously they had to make room for the latest Movie plushies somehow.

For Your Consideration

The movie was originally called "Home for Purim" but the movie moguls changed it to "Home for Thanksgiving" to have greater appeal...

It's a snoot!

Anyway - that's my precursor as someone who has celebrated Thanksgiving three times (twice in the States, once in Little America in the Sandpit) and thinks... well.. it's kinda neat but ..

 

Jeepers...

Is there any holiday you people WON'T Crochet for???

Anyway... in bringing you today's What Not To Crochet, I learnt that you should never trust a certain search engine (and actually , no, not Google) with the term "Turkey" when conjoined (HAH!) with Crochet.

This is the best...

Like the bolero!

 

Again - loving the bolero - why would you do a skirt???

But this isn't why you're here, really though.. is it?

 :)

 

It's ok...

 

I know.. you need a giggle!

 

And here's something for you..

 

I still can't understand what was so sexy about last year's Turkey Hat.

No.

No way, No day.

And on this blog, we have railed repeatedly against Granny Squares.

I do not understand why people keep crocheting hats for their pets.

(you are so going to die...)

So.. WHAT Sugar-crazed over-fed haze would you have to be in,

 

to Crochet a Granny Square  Hat ...

 

For a Turkey?

 

 

 

Lay Off the Candied yams, folks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Lionbrand Gets Political

The reason this is in as a "What Not to Crochet" is because well...

It's just too funny not to draw your attention to it.

Ladies & Gentlemen,

 I give you:

 

 the Candidates for the

 

 **2008 US Presidential Elections !!!**

 

(Cue inspirational music!)

 

 There are so many thngs to say...

How about :

"Ask not  what crochet can do for you, But what you can do for Crochet?"

 

And before you ask.. No, they haven't done the Vice-President Nominees.

Which is sort of a pity actually, because, despite the fact it would be a God-awful WASTE of Yarn, to do a Crocheted Sarah Palin Finger Puppet

 it's *such* a missed Bunny Foo-Foo opportunity!

Tampon Cozies

Meant to "disguise" your most personal feminine hygiene product -
you decide if it works or not.  The pink one is a uterus cozy with ovaries on it!

Thank you to one of our readers for this submission!

Ok.. I dont know what it is but I am FREAKED!

First of all..... One of the struggles that we have in Australia is to understand American terminology.

In all things, not just crochet.

What Aussies call crisps, the US call chips.

Aust : Lemonade; US : 7UP.

Aust: Scones, US : Biscuits.

Aust: Biscuits, US : Cookies.

Then we have different clothing and shoe sizes which makes eBay shopping sometimes far more amusing than it should be.

For crocheters (and probably knitters too but I can't speak for them) there is the eternal struggle to understand yarn sizes and weights. Is worsted really equal to our 8ply? How many decimal places do I have to calculate to when switching from metric to imperial and vice versa? And then.. the sheer disappointment of seeing a beautiful beautiful yarn.. thats just not available to Australians.... :(

So when I see something like this .. not only do I not understand what the yarn is...

  but I'm actually kind of glad that I don't.

The rug is ok for a given value of "ish", the zebra cushion - maybe - if you're into that kind of thing... I'm hoping the flowers arent a demonstration of heavy rug yarn but the green snake thing is really tipping the fugometer!

What's giving me the serious heebeegeebees is - I'm unsure what sort of recreational pharmeceuticals the creator of the Doll thing sitting on the bannister was ingesting at the time that led to the freaky whacked out expression it's got going on... Give that to a Child this Christmas, and you better be giving the parents some high-piled dosh to cover the therapy that freaked out munchkin is going to need.

This is perhaps why you shouldn't crochet whilst watching a Bette Midler Marathon?

Happy Sexy Turkey Hat Day

For everyone who's celebrating Thanksgiving today!

And you read that right - the pattern designer actually calls this pattern sexy!  I
don't know about you but adding "sexy" to the description surely makes me want to
run out and buy this pattern, crochet it up, throw it on and work it in all its sexy glory!

A Wall of P*nises

Unless of course you have one wicked sense of humor and
after reading what the artist has to say, it's clear he does. 

Click the photo to see bigger.

Crowns

Unless of course you want to dress up
as a prince or princess.

Nearly Halloween!

Thats the ONLY excuse I can find for making this:



Otherwise... its..... um...

(Thank you to Kelebek for this one!!).

Puppoose?

Do these animals look happy to you?  I think they look miserable.  (the Shih Tzu doesn't count...they always look happy! hahaha)







These are made by a company "PUPPOOSE"  and they sell these in boutiques.  These things can't be distributing the weight evenly on the carriers' body.  And i wonder how well it holds up.

What's shocking to me?  $80 for these.  my oh my....

Squid Scarf

For when you're in the mood to be strangled by a squid!
This one gives me the heebie jeebies.

Thanks to one of our readers for sending this in!

who loves cake??

oh my.

lovely close up

omg this serves a purpose?

And it's all made of alpaca!  what a waste (in my opinion) of wonderful fiber.  Is it supposed to keep the china warm?

If you dig it, click HERE for the free Berroco pattern.  (damn you berroco!)

Some people just never learn

Everyone remembers Bjork as the crazy lady that went to the Oscars wearing a dress that looked like a swan draped on her body. She should have been shot for that.

Does this crazy lady actually have fans? Fans that appreciate THIS?

Bjork must stand there in all this hideous crochet glory.

Is Bjork trying to shoot at people with her crocheted arm extensions? What is this? How are these pictures/crochet.wear done on purpose???

It gets WORSE!!

Oh my. There are no words for this. Why is she posing like that? is she trying to poop while using the stick for leverage?

My personal favorite:

Is she trying to throw crochet fireflames? Wait...she's trying to dance while her arms are on fire w/ crocheted flames. right? Felted flames? WTF??

yikes!

I hope she didn't waste good quality yarn for these horrific things. Let's just all pray she used RedHeart or something. :)

I did not find these in Bjork's hidden stash of pictures-that-shall-never-be-seen-EVER.

NOPE!

These are on her website, for everyone to see and marvel at.

http://pictures.bjorkish.net/ ---> click on "2007" to see the rest.

Now I must burn out the section of my brain that saw all this. :)