High Fashion? You decide!

Did Marc Jacobs get it right with this crochet design? Does putting it on an actress from Gossip Girl make it high fashion? You decide!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[polldaddy poll=4147041]

Do you remember the words to "Little Bunny Foo Foo?"

 

I have mixed emotions about today's item for consideration.

I am over-run with bunnies, so the fur aspect is not a sticking point

I don't hate the thread work but the idea of the cream fur and the cream edging

makes me want to throw paint on it just to brighten it up.

So - chantilly cream, Would you wear it and how would you spice it up?

Yes, I *know* we're What Not To Crochet

and not What Not To Knit...

But I have to ask..

Just what the FUCK is this??

Quality has to count for something or "You're only as good as your last DC"

I come before you today, in this forum of What Not To Crochet, to humbly bring to your combined notice, an Item which leaves me concerned for the state of Crochet and the patterns that are being sold to the public.

The intention is not to denigrate this pattern's representative item for its colour, which is admittedly that least favourite: the indescribable Putrid Pea Soup of a Misbegotten Grinchy Green, the very thought of which makes me, an average crocheter, feel nauseated to the point where only the memory of the 11 x 200gm skeins of pure natural coloured wool I scored for a whopping $1 a skein at a thrift store today can numb the discomfort  but instead to highlight the flawed construction of an item which, to purchase the pattern, will cost you $US 2.99 ( $Aus 3.23, £1.85, €2.06, ¥273, $SGD 4.65, Rph 463) alone.  

Yes, Ladies, Gentlemen, Crocheters of all ages and mental effectiveness, even th0ugh this item is listed in it's vendor's "Quick and Easy" section, I ask you all to pause and consider this "slipper" pattern:

 GODDAMN, THAT'S AN AWFUL COLOUR

Even if a pattern is a) quick, b) easy and/or c) all of the above, should the resulting item not also involve some level of Quality ?

If you travel further down the tunnel of wrist pain that every FPDC carpals you towards,  should not the Finished Product refrain from allowing the wearer's big toe prolapsing?

If you hook it, whether afghan, amigurumi or applique-intended flower, does it not then exist as a Crocheted item, bearing witness to and representing Crochet-kind throughout the Intarwebs and beyond?   Does the Item not then deserve, in Crochet's larval form: pattern and skein to be rendered with some element of mechanical/artisan skill?

Consider the flaws above - gaping stitches being probably the most obvious of sins, is this then, a pattern you would actively buy?

 

 

 

Ok - Crochet it... If you can!

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale... a tale of a fateful trip...

 That started from a frosty farm and went significantly WRONG when I misread the itinerary that my EA printed out for me, and  I’m now marooned in our national airline’s Business lounge, soaking up a VLLB* and the Flying Marsupial’s free internet.

Noting that the flow on effect of my *ahem* misreading is ... get this: 5 hours.

 (And it gets noticeably worse)

My two yarn-based Travelling Projects? ...........................................................  are in Checked Baggage**.

Ye-aaaaah.

I'm bored out of my skull at the 2 hour mark.

So I'm industriously warping the minds of my fellow Club squatters going through my collection of photos of items that defile the sacred name of  Crochet, making muttering noises to myself:   No, no, HAHAH - no, can't use that, just done a Bikini, no, no, used already,  no, <WARNING!! OUT OF VLLB ERROR> no, no, no - Ooooh.

And then I found the topic for today.

Russian Crochet. (If you're a Lolcat fan - there's a whole "In Soviet Russia" line to go down. See you when you get back)

 

Now - first of all - there is a LOT about the array 0f Russian Crochet magazines to adore.

Ok... yes, they're in Russian and no, I don't know why she's standing like that...

 



Yes, the majority of it is  in Thread.

 

 

Which, for some people, is like admitting that you commit specific acts with chickens.

However  dot dot dot

 



 

 

 

Some of the creations are just divine and the biggest safety tip is not to allow your mother to see them lest she get ideas for a nifty throwover.

 

 

 

On the other hand....

When you look a bit closer... or you swap a plate of home made meringues for a translation of said Russian text by a Ukrainian workmate's Grandmother....

You'll notice that unlined Irish lace tops are, whilst delicate and gorgeous, veritable gateways for nipples to poke through.

(you will see if you click on the link... for the sake of  Innocents everywhere, I've made it a thumbnail - you can click at your own risk of having to explain to whomever)

 

 

 

 

Edited to add: for some reason the thumbnail thing didn't work. i'm SORRY! Okay!!!

And my god - a lot of you tried clicking it....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Vodka, Lemon, Lime and Bitters.

** Dont start about Airline regs please. In the Sunburnt country, land of Sweeping plains - we are not allowed to travel with pointy things in  carry-on. I have travelled with guns, have travelled with diplomatic pouches, and am NOT allowed to travel with anything so benign as a 4mm Bamboo hook in my backpack. Go figure.

For Your Consideration

The movie was originally called "Home for Purim" but the movie moguls changed it to "Home for Thanksgiving" to have greater appeal...

It's a snoot!

Anyway - that's my precursor as someone who has celebrated Thanksgiving three times (twice in the States, once in Little America in the Sandpit) and thinks... well.. it's kinda neat but ..

 

Jeepers...

Is there any holiday you people WON'T Crochet for???

Anyway... in bringing you today's What Not To Crochet, I learnt that you should never trust a certain search engine (and actually , no, not Google) with the term "Turkey" when conjoined (HAH!) with Crochet.

This is the best...

Like the bolero!

 

Again - loving the bolero - why would you do a skirt???

But this isn't why you're here, really though.. is it?

 :)

 

It's ok...

 

I know.. you need a giggle!

 

And here's something for you..

 

I still can't understand what was so sexy about last year's Turkey Hat.

No.

No way, No day.

And on this blog, we have railed repeatedly against Granny Squares.

I do not understand why people keep crocheting hats for their pets.

(you are so going to die...)

So.. WHAT Sugar-crazed over-fed haze would you have to be in,

 

to Crochet a Granny Square  Hat ...

 

For a Turkey?

 

 

 

Lay Off the Candied yams, folks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Forgive us for someone here has sinned...

why? why?



I found this gem on etsy FOR SALE!  "Retro 80s swimsuit with a fashionable rose motif..."

Fashionable???

you know what really kills me about this?  the model's pose.

"I can't talk to you right now...i look too good."

and not that my body is perfect (far from) but poor thing, she's bent so strangely you can see her love handles bunching up.

sigh.

How to punish a Cheating Man...

I don't think I can find the words to describe this...

I'll just show you instead:

Cronos...oh nos!!

The Lion Brand fashion show is guaranteed to be full of things not to knit and crochet.

This piece caught my eye.

I find the torso area...hideous. Doesn't it look like it's on backwards?

Then the floofy skirt area.....it looks like coral reef. or something. i'm so stunned.

This is a tunic.  Looks like someone got drunk/high and then decided to do something "constructive" with their gauge swatches.  this poor model looks like she got attacked.

Hi, my name is Undecided.

Ok.. I'm feeling my age today. I'm of the early 70's  vintage and so I thought I would find something thats in keeping.

I am not the world's biggest fan of the Granny Square.  I know they are great for using up scraps of yarn. I know they are great for comfortghans, scrapghans and "justhadtomakesomethinghans".

But I believe there are some places Granny Squares just shouldnt go.

and generally - Granny Squares dont survive an "On the Body Experience". They also should not be made up by a polarised committee of Colour-blind Chameleons.

Call me conservative, but I like toning colours with the occaisional contrast: Think Ferrero Rocher rather than Quality Street.


 So when I consider



I'm actually in two minds.

First of all - I really like the concept, the top is fitted to give a bit of shape, and I like the heart-shaped neckline.

The problem I am having is... there's something really not right about it. And it's making my skin crawl.

Is it the Colour?

I dont know.

Maybe I'm completely out of the trendite life (hey - I work 280 km from the nearest town and even that aint so big!) but..

Somehow, this:



Seems a bit wrong.

I know Babydoll is in, I know Minis are coming back but..

The colour is vaguely disconcerting and the neckline is sort of weird and you have to have thighs like a baby giraffe's to get away with the hemline.

 Maybe another colour?  in cream maybe  it would look better??

I dont know!!!

Halloween is no excuse...

Even with the best will in the world, and for all the fun that is involved in Halloween (which I do remember from 2 years of living in the States), I dont think you could justify making/wearing this:



Cant you just imagine the conversation between the gritted teeth?

Neck Tab Button Vest

Why would anyone want to wear a shapeless
square in some hideous colors and then button
it at the top and pretend it's a "vest"?

Tantalizing Toppers

Must.stop.laughing.

No idea what this is or what it is for...have at 'er!

Thanks Adrienne for sending
this hideousness in.

Tweed Off-Shoulder Dress

The perfect dress for when you never want to sit down or
bend over unless of course you are into flashing your bits.
Not to mention it looks like she threw on the front
door carpet you use to wipe your shoes on.

Thanks Leisel for submitting this one.

Speed Hook Shell

I think the model's facial expression
sums this creation up in one word -
ugh.

Thanks Abi for the submission!

Ripped Jeans Jacket Kit

I *almost* thought this was cute until I looked closer and saw those tassle thingies hanging off the bottom and also looked a wee bit closer at the variegated colour combo - yikes! Not sure why there are so many little holes through it either - double crochets sometimes just don't work - sure, it's faster but come on!

The model scares me too... is that a she or a he-she? Her colour is off too - I guess you could blame the photographer and the person who edits the photos but geez, get a grip on colour - you surely can't blame the monitor settings.

And guess how much this kit is? $109.99...enough to choke and gag you - it needs 20 balls of yarn!

Ponchette

To go with the outfit below in case you wanted to match! Doesn't the model look a bit mischievous like "geez, I really had to wear this to get the paycheque but wow, it's hideous isn't it?? But shhhhh, I won't say anything if you don't!"

The pattern says it will take about 2 hours to make - not sure it's worth that much time if this is the end product!

Puke.

Leave it to Lionbrand

Ya, there's no title for this pattern, however, it's contained in a pattern book called "Fur, Fur & More Fur" because as we all know, there's just not enough Fun Fur in the world!

And to insult all crocheters our there - it's meant for "fashion conscious crocheters".

Of course we haven't done any Fun Fur for awhile but this one deserved some attention.

Poor thing - it can't be comfortable to wear!

Gourmet Lisette Sweater Shawl

Lacy pineapple crochet? Doesn't this look like the designer grabbed her Granny's doily off the table and wrapped it around her shoulders and made it seem like it might be a shawl? And what is a sweater shawl exactly? I don't see anything "sweater-ish" about this shawl at all - it's just "doily-ish". Leave the doilies on the tables folks! That's where they belong! All those huge ruffles in the front too - what kind of effect does that really have except to add bulk to the wearer? I bet it gets caught in everything too.

Not a shock they couldn't find a live model to showcase this item - only the mannequin had no idea what was actually being worn. I bet all the live models ran in the other direction when they saw it.