For those who were wondering - What Etsy is for

This is one time I am going to bounce on Etsy.  But it's in a good cause - so please.. big girls' panties time if you don't like it.

It has come to my attention that Mr Brian Leahy, author of  (hang on, let me go and check) "The Groom Says" has tapped a blog post on Aisle Dash, explaining "Why Men Don't Get Etsy".

First of all, Brian, men don't get a lot of things - such as why remembering birthdays are important but you have failed to understand two certain principles that etsy lives and (well.. let's hope not) dies by:

a) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and

b) one person's trash may be another's treasure.

Yes, etsy may seem to be the hippie younger sister of eBay and tell me you havent considered going there for a hit - just when you felt you had to get away from the polished bright older sister, and indulge in something a little less organised, the one without the filofax and the Prada handbag.  However, Etsy is there because sometimes you make something so wonderful, you need to tell more people about it than just the cat.

Etsy exists as The Worlds Largest Crafty Trash & Treasure Sale, a ginormous hall full of trestle tables with wares oh so artfully displayed.  But there is a sense of communion (not the grape/wine/bread/flesh thing) but people creating displaying and yes, in a rather understated way, because no one likes to imply that they do it for the money as we're not those kind of hookers.

Are there items on etsy that I just dont understand? 

Yes, and I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one who is bemused by a pile of crocheted elephants that appear to be fornicating.

That's one scene from Dumbo they didnt show you...

But etsy is the place that you can set your own terms for your work -



whether you should be surprised that your $500 Amigurumi Crochet Rabbit keyring doesnt sell

is another question.

But etsy is there so the makers can say that "hey I did THIS" - unlike the drill  or chainsaw spruiked at Homecentre, anonymous and only gains a personality or purpose if it's lucky and gets taken home.

Etsy doesnt expect everyone to understand her, she's grateful for the attention, but would really prefer the attention of someone who does call her back in the morning.

Quality has to count for something or "You're only as good as your last DC"

I come before you today, in this forum of What Not To Crochet, to humbly bring to your combined notice, an Item which leaves me concerned for the state of Crochet and the patterns that are being sold to the public.

The intention is not to denigrate this pattern's representative item for its colour, which is admittedly that least favourite: the indescribable Putrid Pea Soup of a Misbegotten Grinchy Green, the very thought of which makes me, an average crocheter, feel nauseated to the point where only the memory of the 11 x 200gm skeins of pure natural coloured wool I scored for a whopping $1 a skein at a thrift store today can numb the discomfort  but instead to highlight the flawed construction of an item which, to purchase the pattern, will cost you $US 2.99 ( $Aus 3.23, £1.85, €2.06, ¥273, $SGD 4.65, Rph 463) alone.  

Yes, Ladies, Gentlemen, Crocheters of all ages and mental effectiveness, even th0ugh this item is listed in it's vendor's "Quick and Easy" section, I ask you all to pause and consider this "slipper" pattern:

 GODDAMN, THAT'S AN AWFUL COLOUR

Even if a pattern is a) quick, b) easy and/or c) all of the above, should the resulting item not also involve some level of Quality ?

If you travel further down the tunnel of wrist pain that every FPDC carpals you towards,  should not the Finished Product refrain from allowing the wearer's big toe prolapsing?

If you hook it, whether afghan, amigurumi or applique-intended flower, does it not then exist as a Crocheted item, bearing witness to and representing Crochet-kind throughout the Intarwebs and beyond?   Does the Item not then deserve, in Crochet's larval form: pattern and skein to be rendered with some element of mechanical/artisan skill?

Consider the flaws above - gaping stitches being probably the most obvious of sins, is this then, a pattern you would actively buy?

 

 

 

Welcome to 2010!

Now we've beaten 2009 and the rest of those effin' horrible Noughties into submission, dipped them in peanut butter and fed them to a Poodle, 2010 is The time to party and to make the changes we want to see in the world.

Apparently, however 2010's new and fresh opportunities doesn't mean I'm allowed to wrestle the yarn away from an elderly lady in the Craft SuperStore, when she's gathered together Turquoise, Mustard, Emerald, Teal and Fuschia acrylics with the texture of baling twine on the pretext of making an blanky for her granddaughter.

 Yeah - Even when I called it an Intervention, I got told No.

Anyway - welcome to 2010, hope you've got your knickers ready:

Thanks Giving 2009

Thanksgiving (at this time of year) is an American holiday, but the concept of coming home for a time, observed by all members of a country regardless of race, colour, creed or football code is a great one.  Giving thanks for you have, have had, and the opportunities you hope to have yet to come home - should be cherished.

And I understand that no holiday can be celebrated with decorating the entire house... 
There fore there are patterns for Crochet Turkey Afghans, Crocheted Turkey TP covers, Crocheted Turkey door hangers and Crocheted Turkey Turkeys.  What caught my eye was the range of interpretation of what a Turkey actually looks like and obviously what yarn was available at hookin' time.

But for sheer  - Are you sure?-ness regarding the identity (genus, species, chordae) of the creature you are trying to render in DCs and acrylic - I give you :

 

Because nothing about this screams Turkey.

 

Noooooo - it looks more like:

 

 

Turkey ?

                        or

                                    Womble?

 

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving to you,

Be thankful for every thing you have, and everything you can do for someone else.

At least it's not in Granny Squares.. (and vote pls!)

Personally, I think it's a conspiracy.

First of all - have to remind you that whilst the Northern hemisphere is rejoicing in Summer, those of us on the Flip side of the Planet are feeling the chills.

Heralded (or maybe I should say Telegraphed) this morning was the Snuggie, or the Slanket, or the Blankoat.

Sales does be through the roof of the blanket with sleeves.

What is making this news cringeworthy is these are items that are designed for on-couch or at most in-house use, like our old comfy friend, the Ugg boot.

And the Ugg boot, as we all know, has a painful tendency to make appearances elsewhere.

 

Ok - the Absolutely Unbreakable Rule is

they should not be worn PAST your MAILBOX. 

 

And fricking never with a gap between the closest garment's hem and the top of the boot.

Unless it's a negative gap - otherwise known as

AN OVERLAP.

Anyhoo...

The modern day Snuggie, for those people cannot master advanced technology such as a Blanket - I mean seriously, is it *that* hard to maintain control of a piece of cloth while reaching for the remote???

And besides - we've been here before : Couch Dresses!

 

To make matters worse....   we have not one, but two Yarnporiums who have produced patterns (and one has been around for awhile - has anyone bothered to make one?) for Wrapghans.

 

These are patterns that are designed purely to drive up the Global demand for Yarn - because you'll need enough sheep to send someone to Dreamyland to make it!

 

 

What not to crochet - something that pins you to the couch out of the sheer weight of the yarn that the Manufacturer is trying to flog.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and BTW :

 

Vote or I'll set the Sheep on you!!

(Hey - you guys said to remind you :) )

And doesn't he just look poised to fall on your noggin?

But the reason why I've chosen him to threaten you with is:

If I didn't tell you he was a sheep... would you pick him AS a sheep

or as an Apocalyptic Poodle?

 

Blogluxe Awards.

An unashamed Plea for your Vote...

My fellow Coffee-Over-TheScreen Snorterers, I would like to take this opportunity to firstly thank whoever it was who nominated us for the   Blogluxe Awards.

That is a Great, Great thing that you have done.

May you always be able to find your 4mm crochet hooks!

Now... I call upon you all, Crocheters, Sniggerers, and those who come upon this blog in the search of Nipples,   Please - go vote for WNTC!! 

Yes,  We CAN make a difference!!      Yes, We CAN be the change we wish to see in the world! Yes, We CAN win The Funniest Blog Award!

What Not To Crochet has been around since 2006 - We are one of the Original Snark blogs.  Let Us stand up and proudly denounce the Use of Fun Fur and the Eye-Searing Granny Square to the World!

And you know what's seriously great about this ballot??       you don't get to vote once, and hope that everyone else sees the blinding obvious truth :  That the world needs strong leadership, whether in Pursuing World Peace, combatting the GFC  or gaily distributing "stimulus cheques", YOU CAN GO BACK AND VOTE EVERY DAY!

So Vote for WNTC today! and Tomorrow! and Every Day !!

Or..

Vote, otherwise the Bear gets it!

http://www.socialluxelounge.com/blogluxe  - and then scroll through - they randomise the positions...

Please.. seriously folks... vote :)